How far can a spouses "say" in what you do go?

Confusing question right? Let me explain. If you husband/wife told you that if you talk to an ex they would leave you, if your husband/wife told you they didn't want you to attend college because there were other people of the opposite sex there, If you wanted to get permanent birth control ie. a tubal/vasectomy but your spouse wanted more kids. Where do you think marital say/obligation ends? Are there things we should just be able to do?