I'm Feeling Suicidal Please Help?

In many communities, it's difficult being gay especially at 18 years old. There are studies that show that gays are sometimes emotionally delayed because they spend so much time coming to terms with being gay. The fact that you admit your gay shows your on a good track. Now, the problem is that you have almost no friends, so your straight friend as become a sort of ideal of what a lover should be like. That's not fair to you, to him, or to the other people who could get to know and love you. I would urge you to get involved in activities where there are other gays -- politics, a gym, theater, the arts, a hip coffee house, or a workplace where you might meet other gays. I would encourage you not to move where he lives, because in a way it's your relationship with him that is causing you so much pain. Trust me when I say this: Someday, you will meet someone else to love, and you will see your straight friend in a different light. You will still perhaps be fond of him, but you will learn that there are other people with different strengths who are even more worthy of your love. When you go to college, you will have the opportunity to meet new gay people, and your life will be much, much better. For now, try to identify baby steps you can take to make your life a little better. And, if you're seriously thinking of suicide, go to the emergency room. Suicide is the most definite of mental illnesses, since every cell in your body is designed to move you forward in time. It's human instinct to live, and if your brain is telling you to do self harm, then go to the ER where they will help you out. Good luck.